


trust i seek (and i find in you)

by green_tea31



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Bromance to Romance, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mac redefines the meaning of oblivious, Mutual Pining, until he finally gets a clue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 14:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19703653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_tea31/pseuds/green_tea31
Summary: Mac is a scientist; if he’s able to verify a hypothesis – Jack is straight – by repeatedly observing a specific behavioural pattern of Jack’s, for example, exclusively dating women, then he’s likely to consider his hypothesis true. What Mac doesn’t think about, even though he should have, is that the observer always influences the result of the phenomenon he observes. Mac never even considers that he only sees Jack dating women because that’s the only thing Jackletshim see.(Jack isn't as straight as he appears. Mac is oblivious until he isn't.)





	trust i seek (and i find in you)

**Author's Note:**

> This is tumblr's fault and the idea belongs to the incredible people who came up with it, I'm just the person lucky enough to turn it into words. I know there's been some trouble in the fandom lately and a lot of you have come forward on tumblr and written incredible love letters to the wonderful members this fandom has. I wish I had the words to say what the people there mean to me, but I'm often stumped when it comes to writing for real life so to speak. But I'm the stray cat who will occasionally leave fic on your living room carpet to show my appreciation, so - I love you guys. I hope this is everything you imagined.
> 
> Fun fact: I wrote the first 500 words after preparing a short lecture on the scientific method. Just in case you were wondering about the slightly odd introduction.
> 
> Starts after 2x09 and goes from there.
> 
> Self-betaed. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> The two videos referenced in the fic:  
> [James Hetfield](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKHAQSyMTMo)  
> [Brian Cox](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u9YmpCg9bY)
> 
> Title from "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica.

In all of his years knowing Jack Dalton there are three immutable things that Mac has come to know about his partner. These things are as follows:

  1. Jack will listen to Willie Nelson 24/7 if Mac lets him. Needless to say Mac doesn’t, because there’s only so much Country he can take on any given day, no matter how good. Also, whenever Riley has to listen to Jack’s music for more than thirty minutes during a stakeout, she gets that stabby look in her eyes that always makes Mac fear for Jack’s safety.
  2. Jack will always have Mac’s back. This one goes both ways of course, but over the years Jack has turned watching over Mac into an art form. Mac still vividly remembers that one time in Bruges, where Jack single-handedly managed to take out six members of the Bratva, two Mexican gun runners, and a former Spetsnaz operative with a grudge while Mac was down with a concussion. Jack had been bleeding, exhausted and ready to drop where he stood afterwards, but he’d still smiled at Mac like a puppy presenting a thoroughly demolished chew toy to its master. The city had never really been the same again after that day. In hindsight, maybe that should have been a hint about number three.
  3. Jack is straight – no matter how desperately Mac wishes otherwise. Jack’s entire romantic history is comprised of the most beautiful and kickass women Mac can possibly imagine. Jack goes on dates with women – a lot, and then he tells Mac about those dates the next day in excruciating detail. Sometimes, he complains about them, too, but the important thing is: Jack is straight, and Mac really needs to tell his heart to stop wishing for things they can’t have.



Over the years, Mac has at various times added items to his list and then taken them off again when they proved to be false or subject to change. These three facts, however, have so far proven to be unchangeable.

Mac is a scientist; if he’s able to verify a hypothesis – Jack is straight – by repeatedly observing a specific behavioural pattern of Jack’s, for example, exclusively dating women, then he’s likely to consider his hypothesis true. What Mac doesn’t think about, even though he should have, is that the observer always influences the result of the phenomenon he observes. Mac never even considers that he only sees Jack dating women because that’s the only thing Jack _lets_ him see.

It takes a few years before the idea that Jack could be anything but straight even enters his mind, and then it still takes him a few tries before he realizes what he’s actually seeing.

In retrospect, Bozer was probably right; Mac has no game. Luckily, Jack’s got enough for both of them.

…

“Home sweet home,” Jack exclaims cheerfully, ushering his partner into the house. Mac barely supresses an exasperated sigh. Jack’s been in full “helicopter” mode ever since the doctors at the hospital declared Mac ready to leave, and he’s listened attentively to the things Mac is – and more importantly – isn’t supposed to do while he finishes recovering at home.

Bozer is still off at Spy School, so Jack’s installed himself in the guest room for the foreseeable future. Mac is dreading the next few weeks. He likes having Jack close, and they’re surprisingly well-suited roommates, but Mac can only take so much, and the thought of having a sleep-mussed and half-dressed Jack around in the mornings until Mac is cleared for work again-

Mac’s going to have to take a _lot_ of cold showers.

“Hey guys,” Sam greets, walking into the kitchen. “Riley’s started the fire and the pizza arrived five minutes ago. I’m just getting plates.” She smiles at them and Mac can’t help but smile back. After being cooped up and on forced bedrest in the hospital for longer than he would have liked, he’s really looking forward to being home and around the team again.

He follows Jack outside. The evening is warm and pleasant. Riley is sitting by the pit, staring absently into the fire, stacked pizza boxes next to her.

“We’re kind of terrible at eating healthy when Bozer is gone, aren’t we?” Mac asks and sits down as well, grateful for the warmth the fire provides. He’s mostly recovered from the VX poisoning, but he still tires much more quickly than normally. Jack, watching with hawk eyes as Mac lowers himself, raises an eyebrow. Mac flushes in response, cursing his complexion and Jack’s ability to see right through him. It probably won’t be long until Jack declares the evening over and wrangles Mac into bed.

Not…like that. And there goes Mac’s composure. Thankfully, Sam returns with the plates and Riley starts distributing slices. Mac hasn’t eaten much beside hospital food for the past week, but his stomach growls appreciatively at the rich scent.

“Bozer likes pizza,” Jack says, grinning. Riley rolls her eyes.

“Bozer likes pizza once a week on pizza night. And he also likes to ramble about added preservatives and makes the dough from scratch. So, yeah. Mac’s right. Don’t deny it, Jack. We _are_ kind of bad at this eating thing without him.”

Mac grins at his partner, smugly, and Jack makes a face where Riley can’t see it.

“By the way,” Riley continues. “You two never really finished that game you were playing earlier. The one about having a meal with someone? ‘Cause I’ve got a question for you Jack.”

Jack looks a little like a deer in headlights at her proclamation, but he plays along dutifully and raises an eyebrow.

“I really thought you would have gone with Leia, you know. I mean – no offense to Han Solo, but he doesn’t really seem like your…type,” Riley says, throwing a pointed glance at Mac. Mac has no idea why she’s looking at him when it’s Jack who looks about ready to jump off the deck just to escape that question. Sam just seems amused, but there’s something knowing in her eyes. Mac admits, if only to himself, that he may have lost the plot of this conversation somewhere between his first bite of pizza and Riley’s question.

Jack doesn’t say anything at first, his expression vaguely hunted. Mac wants to tell Riley to take her question back, because that’s a look that should never be on Jack’s face, not if Mac can help it, but Jack silences him with a look.

“That’s pretty heteronormative of you, Riley-girl,” Jack begins. Riley rolls her eyes again. Mac thinks that might not actually have been the point she was trying to make, but before he can say anything Jack turns to him.

“I think it’s time we called it a night anyway. Come on, get up. You look like you’re about to keel over, hoss.” Mac lets Jack help him stand and has the vague thought that he’s probably being a bad host by just abandoning his guests to Jack’s tender mercies, but Riley and Sam wave him off, and a sudden onset of vertigo has him tilting sideways until he’s leaning against Jack, his partner’s arms keeping him steady.

“Alright, Mac. That’s it,” Jack tells him. Mac lets Jack guide him inside, away from Riley’s questions and Sam’s knowing gaze. It’s going to take a while, but someday, not too far into the future, he’ll look back on this evening, and will call himself all kinds of stupid for not understanding the underlying tension. For now, he’s looking forward to sleep.

… 

Mac doesn’t get over loosing Zoe in a day or a week or even a month, and he doesn’t think he ever truly will if he’s honest. He’s lost people before. Some, he knew for a long time, others, like Zoe, he’d just met, but there’s just something about this one, this particular loss, that’s going to haunt him for a long time.

Jack doesn’t pressure Mac to talk about it; he never does. Mac is so incredibly grateful that he has a partner who knows him this well, knows exactly what he needs, that sometimes he struggles to express just how much Jack means to him.

They’re on downtime, Christmas is just around the corner, and Mac lets himself be lulled into the comfortable routine of preparing his house and their little family unit for the upcoming holidays.

He’s working on improving a fully automatic Christmas display he’d built last year while Jack watches something on Mac’s laptop, when he notices the almost besotted grin on Jack’s face. Mac frowns. Jack is wearing headphones and Mac is too comfortable to get up from where he’s sitting on the floor, so he balls up a piece of paper and throws it at his partner.

Jack nearly falls off the couch when the paper hits him.

“What the – _Mac_.”

He snickers at the outraged look on Jack’s face. So much for the big bad Delta and always being aware of his surroundings. (Mac knows it’s a huge show of trust that Jack lets his guard down in Mac’s company to the extent that the paper surprised him, but – they kind of live for riling each other up, so-)

“Really?” Jack raises an eyebrow. “You could have just come over if ya’ wanted to talk to me, bud. No need for-” he picks the paper off the couch and holds it up. “Throwin’ what has to be the most pathetic excuse for a – what’s this even supposed to be?”

Mac rolls his eyes. “Sometimes a piece of paper is just a piece of paper, Jack. What are you watching anyway? You were looking at the screen like you looked at that cook in the cantina in Málaga who made you churros and complimented your _assets_.”

“Hey – those were some of the best churros I’ve ever eaten, and the lovely Rosa just had good taste,” Jack says, gesturing at himself. “And if you really wanna know, I’m watching one of the greatest guitarists of all time talking about his first guitar, so a little more respect for the artist, please.”

Mac snickers. “Your obsession with James Hetfield strikes again?” Jack, mature adult that he is, puts the headphones back on and proceeds to demonstratively ignore Mac who, for some reason, can’t stop thinking about the expression on Jack’s face while watching the video. Jack is a big fan of Metallica, has been at least as long as Mac’s known him, and he will defend James Hetfield’s ability to play a riff until the bitter end, but-

There was something in Jack’s expression that suggested his admiration for the man went a little…deeper than Mac would have expected.

Mac forces himself to stop thinking about it, convinced he’s likely projecting his own desires onto his partner. Hetfield’s got about a decade on Jack, but even Mac can admit that there are similarities between the men that Mac finds – tempting.

Jack is straight – if Mac keeps telling that himself often enough maybe he’ll manage to finally get over his partner.

Yeah, right.

…

“Man, if I never have to see a police station from the inside again, it’ll still be too early,” Jack exclaims, letting himself fall onto Mac’s couch. Sam took Riley home, and Bozer left for bed as soon as they stepped through the front door, mumbling a tired goodnight and something about eating pastrami that Mac didn’t really understand.

“Yeah, me too.” Mac sits down next to Jack. He’s tired enough to sleep for a week, but somehow still antsy enough, he doesn’t think he _can_.

“Yeah, I’m not gonna sleep either,” Jack says after throwing him a glance. “Hey – how ‘bout a movie. Might help things along.” Jack gets up and starts rifling through Mac and Bozer’s DVD collection. Riley likes to make fun of them because they still _have_ a DVD collection, but Mac’s always waited a few years before upgrading tech, he managed avoid buying a discman that way, and he and Bozer are both way too fond of the memories that come with their collection to just get rid of it. Jack grabs a DVD and holds it up triumphantly.

Mac rolls his eyes; he should have known.

“Haven’t we watched that – like a million times recently?” Jack grins and pops the DVD into the player.

“You can never have enough Bruce Willis, Mac. Thought I’d taught you that by now.” Jack sits back down next to Mac, the added weight bringing them closer together. They’ve done this a hundred times, falling asleep to a movie after a mission, the post-mission crash hitting them at the same time more often than not. One advantage of watching anything with Bruce Willis in it is the fact that Mac knows these movies by heart, there’s no chance a sudden plot twist is going to rip him from the comfortable drowsiness preceding sleep.

Jack lets himself tilt to the side until his head is almost resting on Mac’s shoulder. This, too, is nothing new. They’re inevitably going to wake up tangled together, and until now, Mac’s never felt awkward about it. But ever since he’s watched Jack watching James Hetfield a few weeks ago, looking like an infatuated teenager, Mac can’t help but wish-

Wish that Jack would look at him like that.

Mac’s eyes are already falling closed by the time John McClane arrives in LA. He glances at Jack, drowsily, and finds his partner looking at the screen with the same adoration that he’d displayed while watching Hetfield, but before he can mentally rearrange Jack’s entire relationship with Bruce Willis in his head, Mac falls asleep, head resting on Jack’s shoulder.

…

“Hey, have you heard from Sam?” Riley asks, catching up with Mac and Jack just as they’re about to enter the War Room.

“She arrived at her sister’s two days ago. Says it’s strange to be back home after all these years,” Mac answers. Riley smiles slightly and nods while dropping down into one of the leather seats.

“I’ll have to call her soon – kind of already miss her.”

Jack puts a hand on her shoulder. “Hey – she’s not out of the world, Riley. We’ll see her again. Maybe we can fly down for her birthday next year?” Jack looks at Mac questioningly, there’s something in that whiskey-brown gaze that he can’t quite read, and Mac is suddenly hit by a surge of _want_ strong enough it nearly knocks him off his feet.

“Yeah – sure,” he says somewhat lamely. Jack frowns at Mac’s less than enthusiastic response, but before either of them can say anything else, Matty sweeps into the room, followed by Bozer.

“Alright people, look sharp.” She opens a file on the screen and turns to the room. “You’re gonna like this one, blondie.”

Mac frowns and looks at the screen, taking in the picture of a guy he assumes might be the target of whatever mission Matty is about to brief them on.

“Meet Dr Charles Hanover. Princeton graduate and apparently an expert in quantum mechanics.” She looks at Mac expectantly, as do Bozer and Riley. Mac rolls his eyes.

“Come on, Mac. You know you want to. Tell us all about quantum mechanics,” Bozer teases, grinning at him. Mac is about to answer, but is beaten to it – by Jack. Yeah, reality used to make a lot more sense before they played that stupid game while waiting to access the room with the VX. 

“It’s about what happens in the universe, right? ‘Cept for gravity,” Jack muses while absently staring at the screen.

The room goes quiet enough, Mac’s pretty sure you could hear the proverbial pin drop. Jack turns around, a frown on his face.

“What?”

“Who are you and what have you done with Jack?” Bozer asks incredulously. Mac barely resists the urge to jump to his partner’s defence. It’s true that Jack often plays a lot dumber than he is, being underestimated is one of the most effective weapons Jack has in his considerable arsenal, but this is the kind of esoteric knowledge that Jack normally depends on Mac to know. 

Matty raises an eyebrow. “You spend too much time with your partner, Dalton.”

Jack looks affronted. “ _Hey_ \- I know stuff. Maybe not as much stuff as Mac, but-“

“You complain about being surrounded by nerds all the time, Jack,” Riley adds, “and now you suddenly know what _quantum mechanics_ means?”

Jack looks to Matty, clearly expecting her to get them back on track, but Matty just crosses her arms, waiting for Jack to explain himself. Mac almost intervenes until Jack sighs exasperatedly and shakes his head.

“Fine – alright. If you really wanna know, I was kinda curious about that Schroedinger guy Mac mentioned a while ago and googled his name. One thing lead to another, and I found some videos by this British science guy called Brian Cox. He’s really good at explaining this stuff-“

“Wait,” Riley interrupts him. Hands flying over the keyboard of her laptop. “You watched an almost one hour long lecture on the universe just because you were curious about something Mac said?”

Mac kind of wants to know that himself. Jack has that vaguely hunted look again; Mac recognizes the look from that evening by the fire when he’d just been released from the hospital. Matty looks ready to intervene and bring them back on track, but- 

“Look – I think he’s cute alright?” Jack blurts out, throwing Mac a panicked glance. Mac freezes, not because that admission was unexpected and really ill-timed, given that they’re here for a briefing, even though that’s certainly true, but because he gets the feeling that Jack’s afraid of _Mac’s_ reaction.

He isn’t entirely sure what to do with that knowledge.

As long as Mac could be secure in his knowledge that Jack is straight, Mac could tell himself that he wouldn’t have a chance with his partner anyway. But if Jack isn’t straight, if Jack took pains to conceal the fact that he’s a little more equal opportunity in who he’s attracted to than Mac suspected, if Jack tried to _specifically_ conceal that knowledge from Mac-

Then it’s entirely possible that Jack’s lack of interest is because of _Mac_ , not because Mac is the wrong gender.

Mac feels like he’s been hit by a two-by-four at that realization and tries to cover it by clearing his throat somewhat awkwardly. Jack is still staring at him, the rest of the team look like they’re watching a particularly violent car crash in slow motion.

Mac does the only thing he can do. He shrugs and grins at the team, seemingly unconcerned that Jack just kind of came out to them in the middle of a briefing.

“What – he’s right. Brian Cox is kind of cute,” Mac says, watching as Jack visibly relaxes and throws Mac a grateful smile. The team turns back to Matty, and Mac ignores the ache in his chest. He’ll deal with it later.

… 

“I’m just saying, dude, you look like the guy.” Jack’s voice is slightly muffled by the thick foliage of the jungle they’re currently stumbling through. No matter how many times they’re forced to make a quick escape from some wannabe dictator through the various green or, in one memorable instance, vaguely greenish with a liberal helping of charred black, courtesy of Mac’s homemade bomb, jungles of the world, Mac will never be as comfortable in the jungle as Jack is. Jack worked South America for a long time, Mac was born in Northern California, where the foliage is mostly up high, and went from California to the desert by way of the East Coast.

He _hates_ the jungle.

Not to mention that Mac is still grappling with the odd tension that’s sprung up between himself and Jack ever since Jack’s confession in the War Room. Mac admittedly has a hard time dealing with the fact that Jack may apparently be attracted to guys occasionally – that attraction just doesn’t include _Mac_ – but Jack’s odd behaviour and constant needling hasn’t exactly been helping either.

It’s almost as if Jack is trying to tell him something that Mac just isn’t getting, but Mac has no idea what the hell that could be. 

To add insult to injury, Jack always becomes chattier the worse their situation gets. If he stops and goes silent, it’s a bad sign, because it means he spotted an enemy that Mac missed, but for now, Jack is talking. And while normally Jack talking is what keeps Mac focused through a mission, right now he’s tired, muddy and wet, and already irritated with his partner. Mac is just about ready to scream.

Also, he _doesn’t_ look like the guy.

“First of all”, Mac stops and carefully steps around the greenish blob pretending to be an exotic plant, “ _the guy_ is a lot younger than I am-“

“Was – that movie’s almost ten years old,” Jack interrupts, but Mac’s glare silences him.

“His hair’s shorter, too. I do _not_ look like the guy.” Mac checks his watch. Exfil should be another ten minutes out, Mac hopes. He’s not a particularly violent person on a bad day, but if they have to spend the night in this jungle Mac is going to blow something up, possibly something belonging to Jack.

“Come on, Mac. Even you gotta admit the guy’s-“

“What do you _want_ from me, Jack,” Mac all but yells at his partner, finally at the end of his rope. “I mean – you looked like I was going to take your head off for admitting you liked men a little more than you’d let on, and now you’ve started throwing that fact into my face every opportunity you get, and this guy even _looks_ like me-“ Mac trails off, suddenly feeling like an _idiot_.

“Oh.”

Jack smiles gently, taking a step closer. “Yeah – oh. Might not have been the most subtle approach, but I gotta tell you, hoss. Thought you’d catch on a little sooner than this.”

Mac is caught somewhere between incredulously staring at Jack and giddily jumping up and down. He settles for smiling back instead, if a little uncertain.

“You’re – really?” Clearly talking is still beyond Mac. He’s going back through the last few months in his head, reliving a few evenings spent in Jack’s presence, and, yeah. He may have redefined the meaning of oblivious there.

“Hey,” Jack says, hands coming up to cup Mac’s face, tilting his head up so he can see Mac’s eyes. “Yes – really. But only if you want to.” Jack steps even closer until his breath mingles with Mac’s.

“Please tell me you want to, Mac; please tell me I haven’t read this wrong.” Mac doesn’t answer, not with words. He closes the gap between their faces instead, pressing his lips to Jack’s. His partner makes a sound that Mac’s never heard him make before, but resolves to get out of Jack as often as possible in the future, and dives right in. Jack tugs Mac closer, wrapping his arms around Mac, until he feels the edge of Jack’s TAC vest dig into his chest. Mac moans at the feeling, Jack in TAC gear has always been a bit of a guilty pleasure to him, and opens his mouth to Jack’s tongue.

They’re somewhere halfway around the world from LA in a jungle filled with mosquitos and an almost unbearable humidity, but Mac can’t remember the last time he’s been this happy.

Jack’s hands burrow their way under Mac’s shirt, tracing over bare skin. Mac's knees almost give out when Jack finds a particular sensitive spot and nips at Mac’s lip at the same time. That’s the moment their radio crackles back to life.

“Uh – guys?” Bozer’s voice sound through the comms. Mac tries to draw back from Jack, slightly mortified, but Jack tightens his grip, raising an eyebrow. Mac relents – the team is way too perceptive to keep this quiet for long anyway.

“What’s up, Boze?” Mac asks, breathlessly, ignoring Jack’s smug little grin.

“Exfil’s about to land. Might want to – ahem – clean up a little before they arrive?”

Mac has a moment where he’s confused at Bozer’s words, but then Jack’s chagrined expression reminds him of the little detail they apparently forgot in their eagerness.

The experimental bodycam Jack agreed to carry for the op.

Mac closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Yeah – thanks Bozer. We’ll do that.” Mac cuts the comms and looks at Jack. He wants to be embarrassed at apparently having transmitted their first kiss to the entire War Room back home. That’s footage is going to be looked at by a lot of people – it’s going to be _archived_ , but- 

He’s just so _happy_.

Jack starts chuckling and Mac grins at him. He has to admit, it _is_ pretty funny.

“I love you, you know,” Jack says, suddenly. Mac swallows heavily. He didn’t quite expect Jack to just come out and say it, but-

Jack cups Mac’s cheek again. “You don’t need to say it, Mac. I know-“

“I love you, too,” Mac blurts out before his courage deserts him because his partner deserves as much – and so much more that Mac can’t wait to give him. Jack grins, it’s not the grin he had for all those guys that Mac’s been so incredibly jealous of lately, it’s – more, _deeper_ somehow. It’s an expression solely reserved for Mac.

Exfil lands, the chopper setting down in the clearing. When they climb aboard, Mac is holding on to Jack’s hand as tightly as he can. 

**Author's Note:**

> I always forget, but I do have a [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/purplecolouredglasses). Come and yell at me about these two idiots. I will squee a little because people actually want to talk to me, but I will answer, promise.


End file.
